that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
