Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize