so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
