I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my being single is dangerous.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
