Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
