So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
this hospital has no fireball
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
