when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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