If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
