the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
