we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
