i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
