She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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