oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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