Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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