It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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