Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
high people should be assigned attendants
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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