apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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