Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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