I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
