please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
