Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
