i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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