I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
