____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
