His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
