i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone owes me an orgasm
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
