you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
