that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
