I met the friendliest cop last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
