oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
