I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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