dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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