Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
