If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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