so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
