I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
