i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
