it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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