3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
