in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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