Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
