you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize