He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
