Who wears a wallet chain?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
