OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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