I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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