wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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