2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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