I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
