I'm gonna have a badass scar
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
