You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
