Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
