Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
