The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
