woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
