I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Couch. On fire.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
