ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
did i just pee glitter
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