I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
