Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
