Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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