what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
