I wish I could teleport
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
