if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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