Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
