Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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