I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
