brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
