Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry my hands just texted you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
