That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
