I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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